Want to hear random? Right now I am chillin in my office with Elijah (my 6 month old son). I am eating an egg and bacon sandwich while typing this only to top it off with a tall glass of refreshing Coca-Cola! Its only 10:49 am.  The weather here is like the fall season or something. I so want summer right now. I saw a black bear at work last night. I have lived in PA for two years now (almost) and I haven't seen a Black bear until last night. And needless to say I saw it as I was walking to my car.....It was right by my car......WOW talk about stopping in your tracks!! But he saw how huge i was so the bear ran away SMART BEAR right?. I have been on a BLT kick lately. Weird. Last week I swear I had a BLT sandwich for Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner, EVERY MEAL FOR A WHOLE WEEK! I loved it. I would dream about it i loved it so much....really weird i know.

Ive been Studying the Book of Exodus (AGAIN). I love how the Lord shows me in the Old Testament what the purpose of the New Testament is. He has shown me thru those Old passages and history of his prophets the lessons I need to learn now! And how to convey those messages to the Lost and the struggling.  -----Ill put some of my study in future postings------ Stay tuned for those!

Now to finish my randomness. I need to take a shower, My neighbors are driving me crazy. I need to witness to them and tell them about my daddy--JESUS--- but Really I just want to kill them sometimes.....Not really but I would love to throw eggs at them. that would be so much fun. They collect trash and take hammers in the middle of the day and beat the trash... Maybe they are PA dutch indian or something, participating in some ritual... I don't know BUT its driving me nuts...BAng...Bang....Bang...Bang....Bang.... Ithink they scrap metal and stuff to make a little cash. But Needless to say I think a bought the right house in the wrong town!!! Oh well. I'm here by Gods leading not mine so I should probably build a bridge and get over it right... I know I need to Reach out to them....I am TODAY!!! With eggs.....LOL just kidding!

In the past two weeks I have connected with two old friends. WOW. Talk about awesome.. I love how the Lord puts people in your life.. Roadsy...Jeff..."Thank you for being a friend". HA that song just when thru my head...That happens all the time. !  I'm Out I have a diaper to change..... I LOVE BEING A DAD!

Herbie

 Well I guess I am WAAAYYY behind the times. I am just now starting my
own “Blog”. Just think about it. There are actually people out there
who want to take time out of their day to read about.....ME! What is the
deal yo? I have always enjoyed writing, even when I was not very good at
it. Well let me rephrase that, I enjoy typing much more than I enjoy
writing.. OK?  And I guess I am not that proficient at either. But hey,
I sure do like to do it....Sometimes? Well anyway.

My name is Herbie. I am 30 years old, ughhhhhh. I have been married for
9 years this month, YAAAAAAAY. I have two wonderful boys, Isaac 7, and
Elijah 6 months. The years have been hard and I can truly say I have
learned so much. The biggest thing I have learned is....I don’t know
much,,,,  really!

Let me give you some historical background of what has been happening
in my life over the past 12 months. In November of last year I
experienced great joy, long suffering and grief; all at the same time.
November first, my wife had to have an emergency C-section. She was
unable to dilate for some reason. Our little boy Elijah had a true knot
in his chord. So if she would have been able to give birth naturally, it
would have been possible that there would have been complications if the
labor became to long. So even though it was stressful, the end result
was a blessing. A healthy baby boy! Stacey (my wife) soon developed a
fever which ended up keeping her and the baby in the hospital for 10
more days. Two days after getting Stacey and the baby home, I received a
call from my little brother James, He was in the process of performing
CPR on our father. He had been doing CPR for 20 minutes with no
response. I knew that the out-look was not good and so I immediately
booked a plane ticket and flew out to Missouri to be with my family.
When I arrived in Missouri (at the hospital) I found my father in ICU on
a breathing machine. His body was alive but had no brain activity. Dad
was dead. As a family we of-course had the doctors remove the machine,
within 20 minutes dads’ heart had stopped beating. Dad basically died
very slowly through the past 5 years or so. He basically suffocated
himself with his addiction to cigarettes. Ultimately dad died at the
ripe old age of 57 of COPD and Emphysema.

When dad died, it kind of ended a chapter in the book of my life. I
came to part of that realization as I looked at him for the last time.
As they began to close the casket, a wave of emotions came over me.
Grief, hurt, anger, disbelief, frustration, resentment, and bitterness.
This lasted all of about 30 seconds. That is a lot of emotion to go
through in such a short amount of time. I don’t really remember much
of the service to be honest with you. I do remember the grief that my
nieces and nephews were experiencing, they loved their grampa. I also
remember my two little brothers who are now men, sobbing as they tried
their hardest to perform in music and scripture for my dad one last
time. I had chosen not to sing or give any kind of eulogy, due to the
fact I know I would be unable to finish what I had started.

When we are at the grave side, this is when I experienced a second wave
of emotions. All of the sudden; forgiveness, love, and peace. I could
now for the first time in a long time, miss my dad. I suddenly realized
that all of the turmoil that I had experienced because of my fathers
choices in life, his drug addiction, his alcoholism, his abuse, and his
pride, were no longer in my baggage. I had spent years and years trying
to forgive and forget. I tried so hard to give those hurts to the Lord
for so long but always seemed to still have some of the affects of it,
show up in my everyday life and relationships. But now all I could
really remember were the good times.
Thank God for the good times. As they removed the flag from dads
casket, folded it up and handed it to my mother, thanking her for the
years that dad had spent in the service of the United States Navy, the
final part of the realization hit me. This must be like what God the
Father went through as far as emotions go.  Grief, hurt, anger,
disbelief, frustration, resentment, and bitterness. As they drove the
nails into the hands and feet of Jesus. He must have felt these
emotions. Grief, that His one and only son Jesus, had to pay for the
choices that we humans had made. Hurt and anger at the fact that their
choices were a slap in the face of God, mocking him as they mocked
Jesus. He had given them great opportunities to receive the kingdom
while still on earth. To operate in His love and will. He must have went
through disbelief that it had come to this. Frustration that his son was
suffering so much for a people who mocked and ridiculed him.
And then resentment as he turned his back on Jesus, as Jesus cried out,
“ Father, Why have you forsaken me?” All the while Jesus’ emotions
were the exact opposite. Forgiveness, love, and peace. I was finally
able to lay it all down. I was able to let it be buried with the body of
Terry Ousley. Cause in all actuality. Dad was not in that casket, just
the shell of him was.

You see Dad asked Jesus into his heart. I know just as sure as I breath
that dad committed his life to the Father. Repenting of his sins and
reaching for the fathers hand. Even when dad was in the worst way, he
still loved the Lord. I just think, that for one reason or another, he
just lost his way at times. But now I can see his mistakes. I can learn
from his failures just as much as I can his accomplishments. I no longer
allow the hurts that plagued me for so long, to define who I am or how I
treat others. All though I would have liked to have learned these
lessons in a way that didn’t provide so much turmoil through out the
years. It is still a lesson learned and I am better for it.